As I was picking up my son, J’Shawn from daycare yesterday, holding my 11 month old in my arms, one of my son’s classmates looked at me with a puzzled expression on his faced and asked "You his Momma?" I said "yes, sweetie I am his Mom." "Does he live with you?" He asked. "Yes, he does" I replied. "At your house?" he asked again. "Of course" I said. "Ohh" he responded and turned back to the cartoon.
The wheels in my head began turning. I knew that J’Shawn’s and my different skin colors would start to become noticed and questions would begin. So far, J’Shawn hadn’t said anything and I knew all of the pat easy answers I would give, but hadn’t thought much beyond, "Everyone’s a different color baby, but we all love the same an live together and we’re a family". How would I explain this to his classmates, who by the way, are 90% African American like my son? I thought, I really need to give a little more thought and attention to this.
At this point, J’Shawn comes running up to me and gives me a big ol’ hug. The little boy looks at J’Shawn and says "Bye, your going home". J’Shawn nods his head yes. I wave to the little boy and tell him bye and say, "Your Momma will be here to pick you up soon and then you’re gonna go home". He nods no. I said, "yes, sweetie, she’s gonna pick you up – in just a few minutes". His response, "My momma’s gone, I live with my Grandma". "Ohh" I say, "Your Grandma will be hear in just a second." I ushered J’Shawn out of the daycare and headed to the car.
I thought about the little boy all evening yesterday. I put the kids to bed and just reflected. I’ve always thought myself to be and open and accepting person with no prejudices that never likes to make assumptions. Hell, I don’t even like the word TOLERANT. To me this word evokes, tolerance -which to me means that I will "tolerate" something different or out of the realm of my understanding. I don’t ever want to "tolerate" something. I want to embrace, understand, and connect with something different than me.
But this little boy showed me that even the most open accepting person makes assumptions based on our life experiences, good or bad, and that these experience shape our relationships, and most importantly the way we see the world around us. You see, I assumed that this little boy lived with him Mom, just like I did with mine, and J’Shawn does with me.. Even though I KNOW that this is not always the case, Hell, the last 6+ years of my life has been devoted to caring for kids who don’t. He was looking at a little boy going home with him Mom, not a black child leaving with a white lady.
I guess for me, the whole lesson that I learned was that we never need to stop learning, to stop seeing beyond or own circle. That even when you think you know it all, are open to it all, are accepting of it all – you don’t and you aren’t. You must continue to challenge what you know and how you feel – it took a four year old I’ve never met before to teach me this.
